George W. Bush Quotes

Whether you like the former President George W. Bush or not the fact remains… George W. Bush has said some dumb quotes over the years as President of the United States. I decided to post some of the Dumbest Bush Quotes of All Time. And if former President Bush is reading this I think he will even get a laugh out of some of his quotes.

  1. Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve people. George W. Bush
  2. We can’t allow the world’s worst leaders to blackmail, threaten, hold freedom-loving nations hostage with the world’s worst weapons. George W. Bush
  3. We cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile. George W. Bush
  4. We don’t believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans. George W. Bush
  5. We know that dictators are quick to choose aggression, while free nations strive to resolve differences in peace. George W. Bush
  6. We will build new ships to carry man forward into the universe, to gain a new foothold on the moon and to prepare for new journeys to the worlds beyond our own. George W. Bush
  7. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them. George W. Bush
  8. We will stand up for our friends in the world. And one of the most important friends is the State of Israel. My administration will be steadfast in support Israel against terrorism and violence, and in seeking the peace for which all Israelis pray. George W. Bush
  9. We’ve climbed the mighty mountain. I see the valley below, and it’s a valley of peace. George W. Bush
  10. When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It’s going to be decisive. George W. Bush
  11. When you turn your heart and your life over to Christ, when you accept Christ as the savior, it changes your heart. George W. Bush
  12. With those attacks, the terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States. And war is what they got. George W. Bush
  13. You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on. George W. Bush
  14. You can’t put democracy and freedom back into a box. George W. Bush
  15. You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. George W. Bush
  16. The deliberate and deadly attacks which were carried out yesterday against our country were more than acts of terror. They were acts of war. George W. Bush
  17. The legislature’s job is to write law. It’s the executive branch’s job to interpret law. George W. Bush
  18. The men and women of Afghanistan are building a nation that is free, and proud, and fighting terror – and America is honored to be their friend. George W. Bush
  19. The once all-powerful ruler of Iraq was found in a hole, and now sits in a prison cell. George W. Bush
  20. The resolve of our great nation is being tested. But make no mistake, we will show the world that we will pass the test. George W. Bush
  21. The terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States – and war is what they got. George W. Bush
  22. The terrorists are fighting freedom with all their cunning and cruelty because freedom is their greatest fear – and they should be afraid, because freedom is on the march. George W. Bush
  23. The true history of my administration will be written 50 years from now, and you and I will not be around to see it. George W. Bush
  24. The tyrant has fallen, and Iraq is free. George W. Bush
  25. The United States and our allies are determined: we refuse to live in the shadow of this ultimate danger. George W. Bush
  26. The United States of America will never be intimidated by thugs and assassins. The killers will fail, and the Iraqi people will live in freedom. George W. Bush
  27. The United States prefers that Iraq meet its obligations voluntarily, yet we are prepared for the alternative. George W. Bush
  28. The wisest use of American strength is to advance freedom. George W. Bush
  29. There’s no bigger task than protecting the homeland of our country. George W. Bush
  30. This was not an act of terrorism, but it was an act of war. George W. Bush
  31. This way of life is worth defending. George W. Bush
  32. This young century will be liberty’s century. George W. Bush
  33. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. George W. Bush
  34. Today we affirm a new commitment to live out our nation’s promise through civility, courage, compassion and character. George W. Bush
  35. It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas. George W. Bush
  36. It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it. George W. Bush
  37. It’s going to be the year of the sharp elbow and the quick tongue. George W. Bush
  38. Leadership to me means duty, honor, country. It means character, and it means listening from time to time. George W. Bush
  39. Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods. George W. Bush
  40. Now, there are some who would like to rewrite history – revisionist historians is what I like to call them. George W. Bush
  41. On September 11 2001, America felt its vulnerability even to threats that gather on the other side of the Earth. We resolved then, and we are resolved today, to confront every threat from any source that could bring sudden terror and suffering to America. George W. Bush
  42. Only a liberal senator from Massachusetts would say that a 49 percent increase in funding for education was not enough. George W. Bush
  43. Our nation must come together to unite. George W. Bush
  44. Our Nation must defend the sanctity of marriage. George W. Bush
  45. People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I’ll give you an example; I don’t read what’s handed to me. People say, ‘Here, here’s your speech, or here’s an idea for a speech.’ They’re changed. Trust me. George W. Bush
  46. Saddam Hussein is a homicidal dictator who is addicted to weapons of mass destruction. George W. Bush
  47. Senator Kerry has been in Washington long enough to take both sides on just about every issue. George W. Bush
  48. Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called “walking.” George W. Bush
  49. Some have argued that confronting the threat from Iraq could detract from the war against terror. To the contrary, confronting the threat posed by Iraq is crucial to winning the war on terror. George W. Bush
  50. States should have the right to enact laws… particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live. George W. Bush
  51. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. George W. Bush
  52. The action we take and the decisions we make in this decade will have consequences far into this century. If America shows weakness and uncertainty, the world will drift toward tragedy. That will not happen on my watch. George W. Bush
  53. The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants. George W. Bush
  54. The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them. George W. Bush
  55. Hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women are deployed across the world in the war on terror. By bringing hope to the oppressed, and delivering justice to the violent, they are making America more secure. George W. Bush
  56. I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well. George W. Bush
  57. I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman. George W. Bush
  58. I believe in the transformational power of liberty. I believe that the free Iraq is in this nation’s interests. I believe a free Afghanistan is in this nation’s interest. George W. Bush
  59. I believe that God has planted in every heart the desire to live in freedom. George W. Bush
  60. I believe the most solemn duty of the American president is to protect the American people. If America shows uncertainty and weakness in this decade, the world will drift toward tragedy. This will not happen on my watch. George W. Bush
  61. I can hear you, the rest of the world can hear you and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon. George W. Bush
  62. I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together. George W. Bush
  63. I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace. George W. Bush
  64. I know it’s going to be the private sector that leads this country out of the current economic times we’re in. You can spend your money better than the government can spend your money. George W. Bush
  65. I sent American troops to Iraq to make its people free, not to make them American. Iraqis will write their own history and find their own way. George W. Bush
  66. I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun. George W. Bush
  67. I think you can judge from somebody’s actions a kind of a stability and sense of purpose perhaps created by strong religious roots. I mean, there’s a certain patience, a certain discipline, I think, that religion helps you achieve. George W. Bush
  68. I told you I’m not going to criticize my successor. I’ll just tell you that there are people at Gitmo that will kill American people at a drop of a hat and I don’t believe that persuasion isn’t going to work. Therapy isn’t going to cause terrorists to change their mind. George W. Bush
  69. I understand everybody in this country doesn’t agree with the decisions I’ve made. And I made some tough decisions. But people know where I stand. George W. Bush
  70. I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging. George W. Bush
  71. I will never relent in defending America – whatever it takes. George W. Bush
  72. I’m hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure. George W. Bush
  73. If you’re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. George W. Bush
  74. Iraq is no diversion. It is a place where civilization is taking a decisive stand against chaos and terror, we must not waver. George W. Bush
  75. “I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here.” –at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
  76. “We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” –Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
  77. “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
  78. “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” –Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
  79. “Tribal sovereignty means that; it’s sovereign. I mean, you’re a — you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
  80. “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” –at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
  81. “You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
  82. “The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th.” –Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007
  83. “I’m the commander — see, I don’t need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.” –as quoted in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War
  84. “Oh, no, we’re not going to have any casualties.” –discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson
  85. “I think I was unprepared for war.” –on the biggest regret of his presidency, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008
  86. “I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.” –talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward
  87. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” –presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
  88. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” –Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
  89. “Do you have blacks, too?” –to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
  90. “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” –as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
  91. “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.” –on “Good Morning America,” Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina
  92. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” –Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
  93. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” –on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
  94. “They misunderestimated me.” –Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
  95. “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” –Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
  96. “This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite — I call you my base.” –at the 2000 Al Smith dinner
  97. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” –LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
  98. “I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.” –Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
  99. “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
  100. “People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
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  101. “I wish you’d have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn’t yet…I don’t want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I’m confident I have. I just haven’t — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I’m not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one.” –after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
  102. “You forgot Poland.” –to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland’s contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
  103. “Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.” –in parting words to world leaders at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as those present looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
  104. “The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” –State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
  105. “The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
  106. “I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” –Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
  107. “So what?” –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn’t a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
  108. “Can we win? I don’t think you can win it.” –after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, “Today” show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
  109. “I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.” –Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
  110. “I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.” –to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
  111. “Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.” –speaking underneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
  112. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them.” –Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
  113. “Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!” –joking about his administration’s failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents’ Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004
  114. “I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” –Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
  115. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” –Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000
  116. “As yesterday’s positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.” –on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007
  117. “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” –Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
  118. “I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” –Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006
  119. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on –shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” –Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
  120. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” –Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
  121. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
  122. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
  123. “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” –to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
  124. “My answer is bring them on.” –on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
  125. A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there’s no question about it. George W. Bush
  126. After the chaos and carnage of September 11th, it is not enough to serve our enemies with legal papers. George W. Bush
  127. America is a friend to the people of Iraq. Our demands are directed only at the regime that enslaves them and threatens us. When these demands are met, the first and greatest benefit will come to Iraqi men, women and children. George W. Bush
  128. America is a Nation with a mission – and that mission comes from our most basic beliefs. We have no desire to dominate, no ambitions of empire. Our aim is a democratic peace – a peace founded upon the dignity and rights of every man and woman. George W. Bush
  129. America is the land of the second chance – and when the gates of the prison open, the path ahead should lead to a better life. George W. Bush
  130. America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. George W. Bush
  131. America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people. George W. Bush
  132. Americans are rising to the tasks of history, and they expect the same of us. George W. Bush
  133. Any government that supports, protects or harbours terrorists is complicit in the murder of the innocent and equally guilty of terrorist crimes. George W. Bush
  134. Bring them on. George W. Bush
  135. Do I think faith will be an important part of being a good president? Yes, I do. George W. Bush
  136. Every nation in every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. George W. Bush
  137. Everywhere that freedom stirs, let tyrants fear. George W. Bush
  138. Faith crosses every border and touches every heart in every nation. George W. Bush
  139. For all who love freedom and peace, the world without Saddam Hussein’s regime is a better and safer place. George W. Bush
  140. For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible – and no one can now doubt the word of America. George W. Bush
  141. Free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction. George W. Bush
  142. Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward, and freedom will be defended. George W. Bush
  143. Government does not create wealth. The major role for the government is to create an environment where people take risks to expand the job rate in the United States. George W. Bush
  144. Great tragedy has come to us, and we are meeting it with the best that is in our country, with courage and concern for others because this is America. This is who we are. George W. Bush

George W. Bush Quotes

George W. Bush - Funny Quotes

George W. Bush - Funny Quotes

Brett Favre Sings “Pants on the Ground”

The NFL team Minnesota Vikings brought the American Idol cultural phenomenon General Larry Platt to sing “Pants on the Ground”. The 62 year old  auditioned for the show in Atlanta, Georgia. He sang his song entitled “Pants on the Ground,” the song was one of the hits of the American Idol show. NFL superstar Brett Favre jumped on the band-wagon before a game singing “Pants on the Ground” for his Viking Team-mates.

Pants on the ground – Vikings Playoff: http://www.bluealleymarketing.com/just-for-fun/2010/01/nfl-vikings-sing-%E2%80%9Cpants-on-the-ground%E2%80%9D

NFL Vikings Sing “Pants on the Ground”

Before the Vikings NFL Playoff game they watched the American Idol cultural phenomenon sing “Pants on the Ground”. The 62 year old General Larry Platt auditioned for the show in Atlanta, Georgia. He sang his song entitled “Pants on the Ground,” which has already captured the attention of millions.

Pants on the ground – Brett Favre: http://www.bluealleymarketing.com/just-for-fun/2010/01/brett-favre-sings-%E2%80%9Cpants-on-the-ground%E2%80%9D

Twitter SEO Information

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Funny Facebook Statuses Part 2

List of the best Funny Facebook Status Updates

The original page that I posted on funny facebook status updates got a lot of attention and has grown so much that I had to create a second page for it. So here you go. These Funny Facebook Statuses are even better than the first batch. Keep the facebook status updates coming, I enjoy reading them and posting them here if they make me laugh :-)

  1. is wondering who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ” I think I will squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
  2. says I wouldn’t say I was special, I’m better than that! I’m the limited Edition!
  3. Born Free……..Taxed to Death.
  4. its called the American dream…..because you have to be asleep to believe it.
  5. Thinks it’s time to find a beach lined with swaying palms and tropical cocktails served all night by hot young babes.
  6. You know those days when you just wake up and look outside, then want to go out and kick Jack Frost in the snowballs?
  7. Life gave you lemons – tried to make lemonade – cut my finger with a knife, got juice in the eye, sugar spilled and broke the pitcher – UUGGGHHH lemons!!
  8. Is dreaming of warmth, sunshine, sandy beaches, flip flops and pina coladas

  9. How does paper beat rock? Ill throw a rock at you and you protect yourself with a piece of paper, lets see who wins that!

  10. had an awesome day ツ I hope you did too!

  11. Can’t face me? Turn around, Can’t stand me? Sit down, Think I’m Tripping? Tie my shoe, like me? Great, Hate me? Even better, think you know me? You have no idea

  12. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
  13. India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha November Uniform November Delta Echo Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha November Delta Tango Hotel India Sierra, Charlie Oscar Papa Yankee Alpha November Delta Papa Alpha Sierra Tango Echo Tango Oscar Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha Tango Uniform Sierra
    (for those of you who dont understand this is written in “Military Phoenetic Alphabet” basically its all the code talk that army guys and gals do when they are communicating and it is when you take the first letter of each word to spell out a word, the “Military Phoenetic Alphabet” is also adapted by other groups and government agencies including the police. The purpose of this is to remove confusion from similar sounding letters like “D” and “P” and “Z”.)
    The above line says: “If you can understand this, copy and paste to your status”
  14. My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, as long as he didn’t take it out of my yard.
  15. Life is like a doughnut. You’re either in the dough or in the hole.
  16. A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
  17. An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
  18. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  19. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
  20. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
  21. Roses are red violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
  22. What are the days of the vampire week? Moonday, Toothday, Veinday, Thirstday and Frightday
  23. If the economy is slowing down, how come it’s so hard for me to keep up with it?
  24. No wonder newborn babies cry. They’ve got nothing to eat, no clothes and they already owe the government money.
  25. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
  26. You should work eight hours, play eight hours and sleep eight hours. But not the same eight hours.
  27. One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
  28. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  29. I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.
  30. Conference, n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
  31. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
  32. I have a lot of special people in my life… Too bad I don’t have a short bus to drive them around in
  33. My biggest problem with the younger generation is I’m not in it.
  34. My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
  35. My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
  36. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  37. Some open minds should be closed for repairs.
  38. If you need space then work at NASA.
  39. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  40. It’s okay to let your mind go blank; but please turn off the sound.
  41. If at first you don’t succeed, buy her another beer.
  42. Don’t tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
  43. I don’t love salsa dancing. I love salsa just the way it is.
  44. A dollar saved is a dime earned. The rest is taxes.
  45. I can tell you’re a man with an open mind. In fact, I can feel the breeze from here.

Please post a link to this page on your website, blog, forum, facebook, twitter, etc

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Please add your own funny facebook status messages, I will re-post the all best ones in a follow-up post.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages :-)

India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha November Uniform November Delta Echo Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha November Delta Tango Hotel India Sierra, Charlie Oscar Papa Yankee Alpha November Delta Papa Alpha Sierra Tango Echo Tango Oscar Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha Tango Uniform Sierra

2010 Funny Facebook Status Updates

Funny Facebook statuses for 2010

  1. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to NOT interrupt Taylor Swift if she is making an acceptance speech at a music awards ceremony.
  2. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to hide the golf clubs before having multiple “transgressions”.
  3. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to avoid having 8 kids and getting a reality TV show.
  4. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to come up with another way to get on TV instead of faking that his 6 year old son is in a runaway weather balloon.
  5. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to see Michael Jackson live in concert.  What?  He died?  How come there was no media coverage?
  6. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to be on the guest list for Obama’s next state dinner.
  7. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to re-enact the movie “The Hangover” in real life.
  8. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to find hidden immunity idols in his house with no clues.
  9. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to finally collect on his fortunes from Nigeria… Suckers!
  10. ‘s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to be more like Sarah Palin a finish evertything that I st

Please post a link to this page on your website, blog, forum, facebook, twitter, etc

http://www.JamesStJohn.net/just-for-fun/2009/12/funny-2010-facebook-status-updates

Please add your own funny facebook status messages, I will re-post the all best ones in a follow-up post.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages :-)

People of Wal-mart Rap Song

The first rap song about pantless people ordering cold cuts.

Beware: This song does has a lot of profanity but the song lyrics in general are hilarious, it had me laughing for a while. The video is un-beatable – you will see photos of the people known to frequent wal-mart and thats where this website comes in to play thePeopleofWalmart.com I hope you like this video and song as much as I did :-)

Famous Quotes & Positive Quotes

Below is a list of famous quotes and uplifting positive quotes that I’ve collected over the years. Be sure to add you Positive Quotes as well.

  1. I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
  2. “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” ~ Shakespeare
  3. “Stop working your behind, and start working your mind!” ∼ Rev. Ike
  4. “Desires are seeds waiting for their season to sprout. From a single seed of desire, whole forests grow.” ~ Deepak Chopra
  5. “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination” ~ Albert Einstein
  6. “There’s no thing as an unrealistic goal, just an unrealistic time frame.” ~ anonymous
  7. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” ~ Mark Twain
  8. “Life isn’t about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
  9. “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” -George W. Bush
  10. “Adversity is the diamond that heaven polishes its jewels with.” ~ Thomas Carlyle
  11. “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” ~ Helen Gurley Brown
  12. “Adversity is the diamond that heaven polishes its jewels with.” ~ Thomas Carlyle
  13. “You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.”~ Richard Bach
  14. “A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversations.” ~ Mark Twain
  15. “Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.” ~ Napolean Hill
  16. “Focus on being productive instead of busy.” ~ Timothy Ferris
  17. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
  18. “Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.” ~ Theodore Issac Rubin
  19. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” ~ Mark Twain
  20. “Sometimes I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfeast.” ~ Lewis Carrol – Alice In Wonderland
  21. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and conplain and most fools do” ~ Ben Franklyn
  22. “Laughing at our own mistakes can lengthen our own life.”C. Hightower
  23. “All generalizations are false, including this one.” ~ Mark Twain
  24. “Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons.” ~ R. Buckminster Fuller
  25. “‘Classic’, a book which people praise and don’t read.” ~ Mark Twain
  26. “Who dares nothing, need hope for nothing.” ~ Johann von Schiller
  27. “Man is not the creature of circumstances; circumstances are the creatures of men.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli
  28. “I’m in charge of my emotions, they’re not in charge of me.” ~ Wayne Dyer
  29. “So long as you sweeten another’s pain,life is not in vain.” ~ Helen Keller
  30. “What is strength without as double share of wisdom.” ~ John Milton
  31. “Be firm on principle, but flexible on method.” ~ Zig Ziglar
  32. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.’ ~ Bill Cosby
  33. Now remember: nothing appears in perception that cannot be duplicated in fancy. If you can perceive your desire, it exists.
  34. When you look inside yourself ,you will find several persons inside you, all fighting among themselves for the use of your body.
  35. The world is our projection. To change it we must change.To change the movie we change the film, we do not attack the cinema screen
  36. Nothing splendid was ever achieved except by those who dared believe that somethng inside of thm was superor to circumstances:W.A.Ward
  37. “There is a great man who makes everyone feel small, but the real great man is the man who makes everyone feel great.” G.K. Chesterton
  38. “Label me, define me & you starve yourself of yourself. Nail me down in a box with cold words and the box will be your coffin.” ~ Rumi
  39. “It is no use saying, ‘We are doing our best.’ You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.” – Sir Winston Churchill
  40. “Let a man avoid evil deeds as a man who loves life avoids poison.” – Guatama Buddha
  41. “Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love the truth.” – Venning
  42. “This life at best is but an inn, And we the passengers.” – James Howell
  43. “Sometimes I think we’re alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we’re not In either case the idea is quite staggering” – Arthur Clarke
  44. “You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you” – Jay Leno
  45. “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” – Kung Fu-tzu Confucius
  46. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck
  47. “No one is so rich that he can do without a neighbor.” – Proverb
  48. “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” – Elie Wiesel
  49. “I’ve been through it all, baby. I’m Mother Courage.” – Elizabeth Taylor
  50. “True friendship is a plant of slow growth.” – George Washington
  51. “The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell
  52. “Physical evils destroy themselves, or they destroy us.” – Jean Jacques Rousseau
  53. A friend is someone who stays by your side all through the troubles he’s caused you.” – Marilyn vos Savant
  54. “Doubt that the stars are fire Doubt that the sun doth shine Doubt that truth be a liar But never doubt that I love.” – William Shakespeare
  55. “It better befits a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca
  56. “If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.” – Blaise Pascal
  57. “It isn’t where you came from; it’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
  58. “Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  59. “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca
  60. “Modesty is at the core of the man’s being and reveals itself in his outward behavior.” – I Ching
  61. The history of the world is but the biography of great men” – Thomas Carlyle

Palidan

Following
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  6. “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination” ~ Albert Einstein

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  8. “There’s no thing as an unrealistic goal, just an unrealistic time frame.” ~ anonymous

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  10. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” ~ Mark Twain

  11. “Life isn’t about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

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  14. “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” ~ Helen Gurley Brown

  15. “Adversity is the diamond that heaven polishes its jewels with.” ~ Thomas Carlyle

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  18. “You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.”~ Richard Bach

  19. “A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversations.” ~ Mark Twain

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  21. “Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.” ~ Napolean Hill

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  24. “The problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is not a problem of physics, but of ethics.” ~ Albert Einstein

  25. “Focus on being productive instead of busy.” ~ Timothy Ferris

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  27. Pull those Orbs out & fix’um to this website.Incredible Opportunity for 2010. Don’t miss this.FREE,NO Fees,NO Risk: http://2C1hVD

  28. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

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  30. GLUE THOSE EYEBALLS to this stunner Opportunity;Pre-Launch; FREE, NO Fees ever. NO Risk. You’ll thank me in 2010: http://su.pr/2C1hVD

  31. “Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.” ~ Theodore Issac Rubin

  32. “”Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” ~ Mark Twain

  33. Searching for multiple streams of income for 2010? Add this: FREE; Pre-Launch;get in on the Ground Floor.The PowerBar: http://su.pr/2C1hVD

  34. “Sometimes I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfeast.” ~ Lewis Carrol – Alice In Wonderland

  35. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and conplain and most fools do” ~ Ben Franklyn

  36. “Laughing at our own mistakes can lengthen our own life.”C.Hightower And so can adding income streams for 2010: http://su.pr/2C1hVD

Humor Hotline does it again!

I love the Humor Hotline and had to share them with you and add a little excitement to your day :-)

I first heard of Humor Hotline when the released one of the best and funniest hotlines that I have ever heard… It was the now infamous “Original Rejection Hotline®”. It has been 8 or 9 years since the first time I heard this, so its nice to see the company who released it grow into what Humor Hotline has become. The Original Rejection Hotline® phone number is listed below along with several other Hotline numbers. ENJOY!!!

How To Keep an Idiot Entertained: 401-285-0696

Call The “How To Keep an idiot Entertained” Hotline at 401-285-0696, where we will teach you exactly how to entertain any idiot for at least one minute!

Outsource-A-Friendship To India: 267-436-5128

It appears your friendship has been outsourced to a call center in Bangalore, India. Call 267-436-5128 for more.

The Original Rejection Hotline®: 212-660-2245

Since 2001 The Original Rejection Hotline® has helped millions of singles deal with unwanted suitors. Whether you can’t take a hint, or just want a good laugh, The Rejection Hotline is for you!

Call it yourself for a laugh or send it to someone you know who might just be a little crazy! Either way, the Psychiatric Hotline (973-409-3277) is always guaranteed to entertain!

Since 2007 this hotline has received over 30 MILLION CALLS! Call Santa and tell him what you want for Christmas this year, but watch out for his temper… and please, this hotline is NOT for kids!
Having a bad day? Call for an inspirational (and humorous) reminder that, no matter how bad your life might suck right now, It Could Always Suck More!

Bad Breath Notification Number: 631-960-7187

Ever been around someone with nasty bad breath? Get them to call the Bad Breath Notification number for a polite little hint about their horrific halitosis: 631-960-7187.

Marijuana Legalization Line: 781-452-0647

The Legalization of Marijuana would generate BILLIONS of dollars for our economy! Call 781-452-0647 to endorse the proposal and we will notify President Obama and Congress EVERY TIME we receive one million endorsements!

The “Make It 18″ Hotline: 772-257-4488

[Note: This one isn't a "Humor" Hotline - it's actually serious!] Do you have an opinion on changing the legal drinking age? Call the “Make it 18″ Hotline to make your voice heard: 772-257-4488.


Think you’ve got it bad at your company? Call the “Human Resources Hotline” for the worst company in America to hear how it could be much, much worse: 786-837-9893
Below is an almost complete listing of the Hotlines that Humor Hotlines has available. Spred the love just as they have been doing for years :-)

Funny Twitter Updates

So you want to be entertained by Twitter, wow you are hard up! jk
Here is a list of Funny Twitter Updates, I compiled a list from Twitter Updates that I have used, or have seen and also from a few lists that people have emailed me. Some of these Funny Twitter Updates are really good & others are dumb, take your pick :-)
Be sure to spread the love and link to this page… and if you have any Funny Twitter Updates to share please comment with your ‘Funny Twitter Update‘ below and I will add them.

  1. (insert funny twitter update here)
  2. thinks it’s funny how we spend our childhood wishing we were older, and our adulthood wishing we were younger.
  3. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
  4. is reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please stay online and your status will be read in priority sequence.
  5. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  6. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
  7. is old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway!
  8. always goes the extra mile especially if what he wants is a mile away!
  9. retweets Twitter by saying “What’s happening?”
  10. Success is a journey, not a destination!
  11. Some people dream of success and some people go for it.
  12. Read the dictionary from cover to cover, tell you that book really does have something for everyone.
  13. is better to be bad and remembered than be good and forgot!
  14. If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, talk to me, I find it funny!
  15. “gotta love that quiet time in the morning when you’re the only one awake” Based on pics, I’ll bet some alone time rocks.
  16. If one of the 6 people you’re following is your MORTAL ENEMY who you’re determined to destroy, you’re doing this social-media thing wrong.
  17. the more i find out, the more afraid i get. should i take the step forward or those two steps back??
  18. I have come here to drink beer and kick ass. And I’m all out of beer!
  19. is a few quid richer than yesterday but not as rich as tomorrow.
  20. I like the word “offbeat” because if you switch it around, it becomes BEAT OFF — Ironically, my favorite thing to do.
  21. Just woke up. Had an awesome dream about riding a flying dolphin thru a dense forest of pubic hair.
  22. Someone sent me a direct Twitter message saying “cute pic.” They must have amazing sight.
  23. Does anyone know how to change the batteries in a dead kitten? Please help.
  24. the glass is half awesome
    www.JamesStJohn.net – Funny Twitter Updates
  25. Tough break for you: I just realized that I am awesome.
  26. I shout the talk. And I run the walk.
  27. I may not have the key to success, but I know how to pick the lock.
  28. I believe in capital punishment more in theory than execution
  29. was bringing sexy back, but lost the receipt.
  30. is wondering…. if money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
  31. is poking my face and wondering what all the fuss is about!
  32. has had amnesia for as long as he can remember.
  33. has an extremely short attention spam due to clutter.
  34. is wondering where Noah kept the woodpeckers on the ark
  35. is somewhat sceptical you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim.
  36. wonders why we work ourselves to death, spending money we don’t have, to buy stuff we don’t need, to impress people we don’t even like!
  37. has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…like they should be.
  38. is suffering from amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
  39. is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired again today.
  40. has used all his sick days so is going to phone in dead.
  41. dreams of a better world…where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
  42. used to play sports. Then he realised you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything.
  43. says do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  44. is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  45. thinks one good thing about Alzheimer’s is that you can hide your own Easter eggs!
  46. is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
  47. just wants to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!
  48. says practice safe lunch. Use a condiment!
  49. wonders why Noah didn’t kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.
  50. was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.

I hope you enjoyed the Funny Twitter Updates. Be sure to let me know of any good ones that you might come across.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages :-)